Guidelines for the Family Man

What's a man to do in his family? A man wants to be manly, to be respected, and he doesn't want to do women's work. How can a man be a Family Man in his family? The two words for a Family Man are "take responsibility"." I can't say we all agree on what is involved in those two words, but to me it means a man does whatever it takes to care for his family. He sees to it that the family has adequate food, clothes, and shelter. He relates positively to his wife, his companion and lover. He shares in the nurturing of the children. He prepares for the future and emergencies, and so on.

In the book of Deuteronomy, when Moses was teaching the nation of Israel about God and the Laws of God, he was also teaching us:
"the Lord our God is the only true God! So love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and strength. Memorize His laws and tell them to your children over and over again. Talk about them all the time, whether you're at home or walking along the road or going to bed at night, or getting up in the morning. Write down copies and tie them to your wrists and foreheads to help you obey tem. Write these on the door frames of your homes and on your town gates." Deut. 6:6-9

What does this Scripture teach us? The family is where the children are taught. The father and mother must first live the life that is pleasing to God and then teach their children to do likewise.

I want to share a few guidelines I tried to follow in my parenting experience:


1. Live by the values you want your children to embrace. Show what's important to you by what you value.

• If honesty is important, be honest. Don't lie to anyone. For example, be willing to tell your wife where you are going or where you have been.



• Sexual morality is important as a single and as a married man. Ideally, reserve sexual intercourse for marriage and not for courtship. Pre-marital sex creates families headed by single mothers, boys and girls who don't get to grow up with their fathers, or children with different fathers in the same home. Just think: Do you want your childrens' mother to be sexually active with a lot of boys at school, in college or in the neighborhood? If she is active with you as a single woman, she could be active with others as well. (My wife and I determined to wait until we were married. She was a virgin.)



• Have faith in God (as a Christian believer) and in yourself.



• Be a life-long learner. You are never too old, too experienced, too educated, or too smart to learn something.



• Make up your mind that you will marriage the woman who will be your children's mother. My son told me that he always saw the girl he talked to as a potential wife, never as a playmate just to have fun. I like that value. That shows respect for women as well. Any woman who doesn't accept that value is not for you.



• Life is sacred so it is not optional to have an abortion. A baby is not the outcome of having fun. If you found out that your mother had you that way, it would hurt you deeply, wouldn't it? You want to be born to parents whose love brought you here. But even if it weren't love, you should not undo a conception of life by killing it.



• Good things come to those who are willingness to work hard. Personal sacrifice may be necessary now for a better future. You can't have everything your want now. Be willing to save your money and invest in mutual funds for the future. Investing just 10% of your income during your working years can have you living very comfortably at retirement age.



• Be around positive friends and associates. You want to be around people you want to be like.



• Think for yourself. Even if you follow the advice of others, make sure it is in line with what you know is right.



• Spend time in prayer and Bible study, to keep your spirit strong.



• Remember to eat what is good: vegetables, fruits, grain, nuts, almondmilk, etc. These plant-based foods are noted for protecting the body against chronic diseases. Drink eight 8-ounce glasses of water daily. Don't eat in-between-meal snacks. Don't eat after 6 P.M. A healthy lifestyle includes proper exercise, our emotional peace, and our spiritual peace as well as what we eat.

2. Lead by example.

• Have you ever heard, "Just do as I say, not what I do?" Children will do what you do whether you like it or not. In fact, children will copy behavior they may dislike themselves. What child likes to be abused? Yet many abused children themselves become child abusers as adults. What the parents do seem to create reality for the child, a sense of what is normal. A father who doesn't spend much time with his children may frustrate his children, who grow up without him. These children, as adults however, may say, "My dad didn't spend a lot of time with me and it didn't hurt me. It made me the man/woman I am today." They may find it easy to make promises just to pacify their child only to break the promises time after time.



• How we use time shows what we see as important. We spend time on things that matter to us and neglect things that don't matter.



• We show what's important by how we use money. When you spend your paycheck on a flat-screen TV, the deluxe movie plan with Direct TV, an iphone, video games, tickets to shows, etc. our children learn how they should spend money. Getting excited about a party or going to the casinos, where "the food is cheap" with borrowed money, the children learn by your excitement that this is money well spent.



• What we talk about conveys what is important. The family conversations puts some things above others. What you recognize and praise is more important than things you ignore or criticize. The child learns to avoid things that are disapproved, ridiculed or punished by the family.
  


• Once upon a time, there was a little boy who liked working in a garden next door with his neighbor, digging up the soil, planting seeds, watering and feeding the plants, picking produce, etc. His grandfather teased him. His mother found other things for him to do to interrupt his work, including watching TV. Gradually the boy started playing with another little boy on the street. There was no more teasing and joking from the grandfather and no more need for the mother to find other activities to do. The boy had learned a valuable lesson on what was important to his family.



• Children learn from examples on TV, in the movies, in the music, or friends. Sometimes they learn from internet, magazines, and books. Parents may see TV, movies, music and friends as innocent entertainment and social development. Think again. The "innocent entertainment" is conducted by adults who teach very well. These adults are teaching your children strange lessons: "violence is only make-believe." No one really dies. "Sex is for having fun." It's the normal thing to do. "Girls don't really get pregnant." "Catching a disease (STD)doesn't really happen." A boy and girl should have sex in a bed, or in the backseat of the car, or in the woods, or by the pool, or wherever, to get really acquainted. "Shacking" is the right thing to do for hot singles. Marriage is antiquated and unnecessary today. Divorce is normal. Kids "get over it." Drugs are for the really cool people. Be careful with the children's friends. Get to know their parents because they may allow things at their home that you don't allow so that their children can "train" your children on behaviors you don't approve.

3. Demonstrate what a Christian is like in your day-to-day life, not just at church.

• The children see you everyday. They know how you talk when you are angry, the words you use. They know if you smoke cigarettes, drink beer or whiskey, or use some other substance. They hear you talk to your friends when you entertain. They see the type of friends you embrace, whether they are Christians or not, whether they support the Christian lifestyle or not. They see the kind of parties you host, if they are Godly or not. They hear what you and your friends get excited about going to see or where you want to go to have a good time. They get an idea from you as to what it means to have a good time. Is it wholesome? When the children live with you, do they see the same person at home as at churh? Do they see in you the behavior they should emulate? If they strive to be like you, would that point them to be like Christ.
  

4. Never break a promise to a child.

• Children believe with all their hearts that the thing you promised them will happen. They set their hearts on it. They get excited about it. It's better not to promise than to promise and not deliver. Be slow to promise because breaking the promise can do more damage than not making the promise in the first place. If something makes it impossible to keep a promise, be gentle in breaking the news. Don't blame the child for believing you. Don't blame the child for being disappointed. Simply explain what happened and what you are going to do about it. Reschedule it and make sure nothing gets in the way this time. Don't make promises to buy things you can't afford. Don't use the light bill money to buy a game or electronic device. Start early to save money for what you promised. Don't buy things that create distractions to what the children should be doing. Buying a TV for their room may reduce their concentration on home work or cause them to stay up late or watch programs you don't approve.

4. Be calm when interacting with a child.

If you are angry, you are likely to raise your voice. Do you notice if you always raise your voice when you disapprove the behavior or your children? Like swimming in a cold swimming pool, if you swim in it long enough you can get use to it. It won't feel cold any more. Children can get use to your hollering so that it has no real message. "Dad/moma is always hollering" they may say. Let your voice be calm most of the time. Let your tone of voice be gentle most of the time. Let your anger be used to convey a firm and consistent message.

To Be Continues with Comments on the Following Points...

5. Be the parent and don't try to be "buddy-buddy" with the child.

6.Never talk negatively about someone at home. Never make fun of someone. Don't allow others to do so either.

7. Don't take revenge or rejoice in the downfall of others.

8. Create rituals and ceremonies at home such as:

9. Attend special events at day school.

10. Go on school trips

11. Visit day school when there is no discipline problem involved.

12. Be a cheerleader of your children's achievement.

13. Respect Black People in your home. Never degrade the race.

14. Teach children to earn and save money, the value of a dollar. Let each child have a piggy bank or bank account.

15. Always wear a housecoat around the house if you're not dressed. Never walk around in underwear or nude.

16. Care for the sick or hurt child.

17. Don't watch movies that require the children to leave the room.

18. Your time is more important than the things you can buy.

19. Don't be stuck on fashions and name brand clothes, certain model of cars, size of house, etc.

20. Get to know the families of your children's friends.

21. Parents are the first teachers and the childs's strongest influence in the early years.

22. Use the belt only as the last resort.

23. First respect the child, then require respect from the child.

24. Limit time for TV and movies.

25. Guide the eating habits.

26. Take children to where they need to go: store, school, events, etc.

27. Read to children.

28. Let your children see you pray.

29. Share consistent expectations of the children with your spouse.

30. Plan an annual vacation.

A Big Problem That We Can Solve!

There's a problem in Black America that we can solve. If we solve it, we can teach others how to solve it. The problem is: chronic diseases like high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, diabetes and cancer. All these diseases are linked to our eating habits.

In the State of Tennessee Comprehensive Cancer Control Plan for 2009 - 2012, one of the primary prevention goals is: To reduce the risk of developing colorectal cancer through healthful eating habits and regular physical activity. The first objective for reaching this goal is "to increase the proportion of persons who eat five or more servings of fruits and vegetables daily to 35% by 2012. (The Tennessee baseline for people who consume 5 or more servings of fruits and vegetables a day is 26.5%).

"Fruits and vegetables contain essential vitamins, minerals, and fiber that may help protect you from chronic diseases. Compared with people who consume a diet with only small amounts of fruits and vegetables, those who eat more generous amounts as part of a healthful diet are likely to have reduced risk of chronic diseases, including stroke and perhaps other cardiovascular diseases, and certain cancers." (www.fruitsandveggiesmatter.gov/benefits/index.html).

"Munching on fruits and vegetables that contain white flesh, such as apples and cucumbers, could lessen your chances of having a stroke. According to a Dutch study published in Stroke: Journal of the American Heart Association, people with a high intake of white fruits and vegetables had a 52 percent lower incidence of stroke than those with a low intake. A 9 percent lower risk of stroke resulted with each 25-gram-per-day increase in white fruit and vegetable consumption." (Ebony, Dec 2011 - Jan 2012, p.74).

"People who eat 5 to 9 servings of fruits and vegetables a day have a lower chance of getting cancer of the lung, mouth, pharynx, esophagus, stomach, colon, and rectum. They are also less likely to get breast, pancreas, larynx, and bladder cancer...Heart-healthy diets include 8 to 10 servings of fruits and vegetables a day. They are low in saturated fat and cholesterol...People in the DASH study (Dietary Approaches to Stop Hypertension) with the lowest sodium intake had the biggest fall in blood pressure. Too much sodium causes blood pressure to rise. Potassium counteracts the effect of sodium on blood pressure. Yet, African Americans get only half their potassium needs. Fruits and vegetables are naturally high in potassium and low in sodium." National Cancer Institute (2004). Body & Soul: A Celebration of Healthy Eating & Living. A Guide for Running the Program in Your Church. (NIH Publication No. 04-5544). Bethesida, MD. p.20.

We adults are really following the eating habits we adopted as children. It is the child in us who says "eat what tastes good" and "eat all you want." "It all begins in childhood. African American youth have the highest rates of overweight and obesity among all children. Type 2 diabetes is also going up at alarming rates among African American children. Eating habits that affect [an adult's] risk for these problems begin in childhood. Healthy eating in childhood, and into the adult years, will lower their chances for diseases later in life. These diseases include obesity, overweight, diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, and cancer. Most African American kids eat less than half of the amount of fruits and vegetables they need to stay healthy. It's important for us to help kids develop good habits they can carry into their adult lives. Eating more fruits and vegetables when they are young will make it easier for them to choose healthier foods as adults." (Ibid. p. 19)

There's a very good lesson for healthier eating in the Bible (Daniel 1:3-15). In this Scripture, we will see that a diet of vegetables is healthier than one that contains fats and cholesterol. King Nebuchadnezzar ordered his official Ashpenaz to select some young men from those captured in Judah and prepare them to serve in the palace. They were to be taught the new language, read a lot of books and become well educated. As a plus, they were to eat food from the king's table (i.e. pork roast, sirloin steak, macaroni and cheese, french fries, baked potatoe w/whipped cream and cheese, deep fried mushrooms, greens seasoned with fatback, and fermented wine). "Daniel made up his mind to eat and drink only what God had approved for his people to eat. And he asked the king's chief official for permission not to eat the food and wine served in the royal palace. God had made the official friendly and kind to Daniel. But the man still told him, 'The king has decided what you must eat and drink. And I am afraid he will kill me, if you eat something else and end up looking worse than the other young men.' The king's official had put a guard in charge of Daniel and his three friends. So Daniel said to the guard, 'For the next ten days, let us have only vegetables and water at mealtime. When the ten days are up, compare how we look with the other young men, and decide what to do with us.' The guard agreed to do what Daniel had asked. Ten days later, Daniel and his friends looked healthier and better than the young men who had been served food from the royal palace. After this, the guard let them eat vegetables instead of the rich food and wine." (Holy Bible, Contemporary English Version, The African American-Jublilee Edition.)

The food we obtain for animals: meats, milk, butter, cheese, ice cream, milk shakes, etc contain fats and/or cholesterol which, over time, will clog our blood vessels and reduce the flow of blood to certain body parts. The brain deprived of oxygen is a setup for a stroke. The heart deprived of oxygen is a setup for a heart attack. The body deprived of oxygen in all its many systems is a setup for cancer. We understand suicide as a person taking his/her own life. When we see a person supporting an addiction to tobacco, alcohol, or illegal drugs, we say it's self-destructive, like slow suicide. According to the World Book Dictionary, an addict is "a person who is a slave to a habit." Being addicted is "slavishly following or unable to give up a habit." An addiction is "the condition of being a slave to a habit." Being a slave to a habit means doing what the habit says do. A habit is good when it serves your best interest(i.e. makes you healthy, wealthy or wise). If a habit is self-destructive, and we don't know that it's harmful, we might continue doing it. But once we know it is harmful, it is then up to us to stop doing it. If we can't stop or don't want to stop then we might be addicted. God does not want us to be a slave to our appetite, our tongue or our stomach. In His word, God put gluttony right along side drunkenness. He saw addiction to food as no less harmful than addiction to alcohol.

And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. Deuteronomy 21:20
For the drunkard and the glutton shall come to poverty: and drowsiness shall clothe a man with rags. Proverbs 23:21

Our ability to say "no" to harmful foods is just as important as saying "no" to alcohol, tobacco, and illegal drugs. Foods high in fats and cholesterol, and processed foods produce chronic illnesses that are killing more God-fearing saints today than any of these "bad" things that we dare not touch can be held responsible for.

There is a serious problem we have in Black America: chronic illnesses. We have hope because the power is in our minds, in our hearts, and in our spirits. We can make a decision today to be a piece of the solution. Don't be discouraged by the magnitude of the issue, remember David and Golioth. Look and see that our God is on our side. Take a baby step...and accept this 10 day challenge:

• For 10 days, eat only plant-based whole food: vegetables, fruits, nuts, grains, almondmilk, etc.



• Drink eight 8-ounce glasses of water each day...between meals.



• Please don't drink with your meals.



• Please don't eat in-between-meal snacks.



• Please don't eat after 6 pm.

See how it makes you feel and email your comments to: samball720@hotmail.com. Do not be discouraged if you fall short or fail. Just get back up and keep doing what's right. Remember, the power is in our minds, our hearts and our spirits. We shall overcome.

Black America - What is Our Language?

What words do Black Americans have to express ourselves in America? A Black politician is accused of playing the "race card" if he/she advocates for Black Americans. People from a Spanish-speaking group can call themselves Hispanics. They can advocate for changes in the imigration laws, migrant worker conditions, etc. They are not playing. They are for real. We are not playing. In a cat and mouse game, the mouse is not playing. Only the cat is.